Good evening people,
So I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night having a glass or 3 of wine and thinking back on the past 4 days and all the many things that I have to share with you. I honestly don't know where to begin, except the very begining...which I'm told is a very good place to start according that whore singing about do ray me.
I get home and say hi to the family. Dinner is involved, as is the vodka juice drinks I began to partake in. My family goes to midnight mass every year while I stay at home and enjoy my alcohol. (There are reasons I don't go to church.) Lately I've been having this queer craving to watch Beauty and the Beast and so, decided to take the opportunity of the absence of my family to watch the VHS we have at home. Mind you, I did the same thing last year and I believe I've started a little tradition. Family goes to church. I watch Beauty and the Beast. Done and Done. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and passed out before the family came home...perfect. Good. Bye.
Christmas! We all were, of course, up at 8. Overall I had an enjoyable morning of nice presents from the family. Presents include a new digital camera, money, and socks. Can't ever get enough socks! The rest of the day was spent watching the new verizon fios movie channels my parents upgraded to. Movies watched included: Eragon, P.S. I Love You, and Fried Green Tomatoes. Dinner was fine...my mother asked me what was wrong. The response I wanted to give her was "I'm queer, bye!" But that didn't happen. Oh well! Then I went to hang out with my friend Starfish. We went to get a drink...and by drink I mean I lost control of my face. It literally came off from the amount of alcohol we consumed. We went to Kelly's and ordered the following between the two of us: 1 miller lite, 2 or 3 vodka sprites, 2 jack and cokes, and 3 soco and lime shots. I'm expecting a 60+ dollar bar tab....OH no folks....it was $14.50. Shut the hell up! Get out of here! Well were in a good mood and the bar closed at 11 sooooooo we went home. Yeah...right. That's what should of happened. Instead we purchased a 6 pack of Mike's Hard Pomegranate Lemonade and went to the beach, sang songs at the top of our lungs, and cried about our broken love lives. How I made it home...I dunno. But I did and had to pass my father and brother who were still up to make it up to my bed where I passed out in clothes. Perfect.
Friday. (I'm going to preface this day as a really bad one...so probably not going to be funny).
I wake up feeling disgusting. Can't imagine why...I only had 10 drinks the night before. ANYWAY...I went to visit my old friends at Chili's where I used to work. I have a very dear friend named Loren. She doesn't work there anymore but she is the very first person I came out to and bonded with when I had no one after everyone else had jobs after school and I was hosting at Chili's. She's been in and out of the hospital the past year with agressive cancer. I get updates from Chili's because Loren doesn't return my calls, probably because she's getting chemo. Well, she's 90 lbs and not going to make it much longer...did I mention she's 26? After that I went with my mom to the Catholic store to exchange my St. Christopher medal for a smaller pendant. She proceeded to call me atheist in front of the clerk and THEN on the ride home told me I should purchase a tape recorder, record my voice for a day and listen to it because I should change how I talk. Hidden meaning: "Ray you sound like a fairy." I'm not sure I have ever been more offended by my tranny of a mother.
Meanwhile...the entire time I was home I don't think I talked to Rescue Me Joe for more than a text here and there. Strange because he texts me like 20 times a day...which I like...so I knew something was off. He's not a fan of the holidays...some people aren't, can't hold it against them but talk to me right? Nothing. So we finally talk about it when I get back to DC Friday afternoon. Things are cool, done. I'm going out with my friend J-Crew and his boyfriend Tortilla Strip and am getting excited because I am planning on seeing Rescue Me Joe after 4 days. He's going to be in the area, I'm going to be in the area...logically speaking we're going to see each other? Yeah, not so much. He went to Nellie's and I was at JR's and didn't leave much invitation to come join him. I don't hear back from him for the rest of the evening and I go home with my friends crying about my insecurities and amazing amount of alcohol I seemed to have consumed before 1. Not a good day for Just Jack.
I get a text from Rescue Me Joe saying he has been called in to work and can't make the play I had tickets for at Shakespeare as well as dinner reservations that he didn't know about. I, of course, immediately think something is wrong and he no longer wants to see me. The past four days have just been too weird when one goes from talking all the time to nothing for 3 days and not even a hello when we were 2 blocks apart. I admit I may have overreacted a bit but can you blame a girl. Here I meet this incredible person who has swept me off my feet the past 3 weeks and then all of a sudden it feels like everything is going to shit and I feel responsible. Like I somehow did something...because that's generally my pattern with men. They tend to drop me and I can't seem to figure out what about me offends people so that I'm no longer worth their time. So please let me know if you have any insight to the situation...constructive, friendly criticism is welcome. I tried to understand him but he wasn't answering me. I even stopped by the apartment but I got nothing. Later I find that he was just mad at me for being an asshole via texting but we still haven't really talked.
I go to work, I come home and proceed to watch Grey's Anatomy for the next 5 hours while consuming a pizza I purchased.
Overall I didn't really have a great 4 days...yesterday in particular. I guess I always try to live my life based on the experience I bring to the table. My experience with dating...not good. I don't know how to read people and when they begin to move at different speeds I can't keep up and I get insecure. My mother is still my mother and made me feel pretty awful about myself. What I'm trying to say is that people can't improve themselves without the help of other people. I take patience, I admit and the comment from my mother is not the kind of improvement I'm looking for. I'm me and here and now and all I can do is be the person I think I should be and expect others to do the same. Talk. Communicate. If you don't, you're just a big ass annoying tranny that no one can figure out and everyone just wants to throw an ugly pair of boots purchased from Ross at your face.