Monday, February 2, 2009

Costco, Chicken Bakes, Trannies...Oh My!

Alrighty Peoples...I have returned once again.

This past weekend was interesting to say the least and I'm going to share with you accordingly. Hold on to your butts...and enjoy!

I have to begin with Friday morning, it starts a good precedent for the weekend. So I come in to work; its the last day of my first week in my new job and I'm feeling pretty great. Michael Kahn steps in and hands me a list of people he wants me to contact to set up phone conversations for later that afternoon/early next week. And guess, of all people, who was on the list. Christina Scheppleman. I'm going to assume that no one knows who she is...hell I wouldn't know who she is EXCEPT for the fact that its The Ex's boss. Yep, she works at the Washington National Opera...second in command really. So I look on the website...there's no number for her and I don't know who else to get a hold of so who do I have to call...The Ex. Yep...reallllllly great way to start the weekend. "Hello, we haven't spoken in 6 months because I think you're a bag of douche but I need to make an appointment with your boss on bahalf of my boss...blah blah blah." Shoot me in the face!

All told it wasn't that big of a deal after the initial exchange of shaloms. It was kept professional and it was actually nice to hear his voice has been a while.

ANYWAY, after that awkward encounter I spent the rest of the day doing nothing because Michael left at 1:30 and I worked on other gchat! Friday night I went out to happy hour with co-workers to welcome me to the theatre and then went out with Straight Lady...JR's per usual, then we were heading to Town but ended up at Cobalt instead and met up with Tortilla Strip, J-Crew, and Leg's McGee (see previous posts for more information). We all had a good time aside from the husband-husband drama between Tort and J-Crew. I swear they have an issue everytime we go out. Laaaame! Goodbye!

Saturday I wake up and head to the theatre I manage and help with build and painting. Tort meets me and we go to heaven...and by heaven I mean lunch...and by lunch I really mean heaven...and by I really mean heaven I really mean Lunch at Costco. Two words bitches...Chicken. Bake. Let's discuss please. It is a roll of dough covered with asiago cheese...inside chunks of chicken, cheese, bacon, and cesar dressing. (I don't like cesar but the combo was amazing). I had a mini O upon consumption of this gloriously greasy log of deliciousness. Highly reccomend it for any morning hangover cure. Along with a soda each, and one non-fat froyo between us the total was...8 dollars. Shut the hell up! Eight tranny dollars for all that food. Moving forward I will continue to eat at Costco on an ongoing basis in order to fully develop my appreciation for cheap food in what can only be described as White Trash Mecca. Done!

As we're eating our cheap meal I start to really notice my surroundings. I can't tell you how many matching sweatsuits, sideways pony tails, and all around trash there was walking around. I felt like more than half the people at the Manassas might I dressed in the dark from a closet filled with clothes from Marshalls. There were, however, some good looking gentleman there. Tort made fun of me by saying I was going to find the love of my life there. I can see it now..."JJ, where did you meet your boyfriend?" "Since you asked...He pulled up next to me while I was consuming my 3rd chicken bake of the day. His cart was full of bulk items that would have fed a small country for a day. He smiled, said hi. I smiled back. We chatted over non-fat frozen yogurt and then he helped me pick a new flavor of toothpaste that came in a pack of 47 tubes." You say tranny? I say perfection!

But, alas, all I got was an 8 year old at the table next to us. He has to be described as one of those children that you want to believe has a mental illness but, in actuality does not...they just look stupid naturally. The boy hadn't had a shower in probably 4 days and he was staring at us. There were crumbs on the table and the right thing to do would be to brush them off. He did...except instead of brushing them on the floor, he wiped his finger down the table and the proceeded to put it in his mouth. Oh. My. God. Goodbye! I mean I understand being hungry but eating the crumbs left over from the mexican family and their 9 children is NOT sanitary! Good thing I had already finished my chicken bake...we would of had words, the child and I, had that interupted anything other than the frozen yogurt. So we finished up and went shopping for what we needed and left.

Saturday night I went out with some friends for a birthday in Manassas and then went downtown with Miss Procras! JR's...again. We had fun. I ended up trying to talk to this guy who seemed interested but he was shy and we kept getting interupted by a multitude of drunk assholes that wouldn't leave him alone. I swear its like the gays know when there's a cute shy one...they all want to take him. I didn't sink my talons in far enough because he ended up leaving with his friend because he was annoyed with everyone. I don't blame him.

Superbowl sunday wasn't super. I made buffalo chicken delicious! and hung out with my friend High School Muscical. Her and I go way back to HS and it was nice to pig out and do nothing all day! I went home before half-time and watched a movie instead.

That's all..I'm tired of typing and I don't care enough about any of you to continue any further :) Word of advice though, for this posting at least, don't deny the many wonders Costco has to offer. Go. Enjoy the chicken bake. Don't be ashamed. As Tortilla Strip put so eloquently "Its ok to partake in what the little people enjoy on a regular basis.' true although can't be seen doing that shit too much...I might start buying things from places like Kohl's and then I ask everyone to throw a pair of minolo's at my face and bring my back to reality!




Anonymous said...


Nice to see you in all your childhood glory at the place the call Cobalt, which is actually a place that gives you the excuse to get a blowjob in a low lit bathroom from a 18 year old twink, while a lady is pissing in the next stall contracting Hep A from the toilet seat. It was fun and Rosario and Beverly Leslie say hello! We shall frequent Cobalt more often due to this......

Drunkenly Yours,

Karen "Anastacia Beaverhousen" Walker, of Russian Royalty.

Anonymous said...

this is hilarious