Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Last Two Weeks...a recap part I

Holy Buckets it has been far too long since I've written and I have much to disseminate to the masses! The past two weeks have been riddled with ridiculousness that has to be shared so let's begin...

So Straight Lady and I are invited to a friend's party. First of all its a hilighter party and was not aware of the fact prior to walking through the front door. I, of course, am wearing brown and proceed to be one of 2 people in the room that isn't glowing. Secondly, who the hell throws a hilighter party post college time? Can we discuss for a hot minute how old we all are and step up the party game to something a little more sophisticated and less tranny!? I was surrounded by masses of homosexuals who obviously don't know life outside of their backwater existance in the Prince William County area and the girls they brought along for the ride...most of whom took it up on themselves to "redesign" their white t-shirts to show as much skin as possible. Newsflash!! Everyone in the rooms a big Mo...flash your tatas all you like sugar lips, you ain't gettin any!

Anyway, past the initial awkward hello's upon first entering the room I was then hit with another wave of awkwardness when Resuce Me Joe: The Original put his arm around me. Let me explain. A year and a half ago I met this 22 year old firefighter/paramedic combo...just like my most recent Rescue Me Joe, whom...if you'll recall, has been renamed Rescue Me Fuck Face. He was nice we hung out/did stuff for like a month. That is, until he decided to remain at the bar with someone else and pick up his car from my apartment complex the next morning without another phone call again. Do I care? I did but I'm over it...I mean that's just rude. We recently reconnected via Facebook where he apologized for being a huge asshole which is fine...I don't hold grudges...at least not for very long (it causes wrinkles)! So annnnyway, he was at the party, which was fine, but he kept making really awkward comments for instance: He wanted to spray my hair white like all the other dorks in the room and I said no I was going downtown later and his reply "I'll follow you anywhere downtown with my hair painted too!" Or when he put his arm around me and was explaining to his pal that he was a real asshole to me and blah blah blah. I mean, get over yourself...you're a cutie but grow up.

I have found that the similarities between the original Rescue Me Joe and the latest installment of paramedical wastes of time are striking. Both of them lack a certain emotional maturity required to be in an adult relationship of any kind. The original left me without a phone call and the last one defriended me on Facebook. Seriously? A simple "I don't think this is working out." would have sufficed just fine. Another quality is that both seem to think that their job is something worldly that no one else comes close to. Newsflash! Its great you save lives, no one cares to hear about it 24/7. There are more things to talk about other than how you stuck an IV in someone's arm today. Guess what I saw a play at my job...yeah that's what I thought, just as interesting. Find new topics of conversation boys, and grow a pair while you're at it! Both of them were/are good people just quit acting like douche bags.

The lesson here folks: Stay away from career firefighters/paramedics. They're too emotionally unattached to people unless they're preventing someone from dying. I think its great what they do but it tends to be all they focus on in life. I think its good to have a career to remain extremely focused on and strive to be the best you can but either learn how to balance work and relationships or, do everyone a favor and don't get involved to begin with. Seriously! Hooking up is one thing, but beginning to date someone and then not have the balls to cut it off appropriately is another...

Speaking of hooking up...I have another number to add. I affectionately refer to him as The Twelve Year old...that's a story for part II of this recap!



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