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Friday, February 20, 2009

A Recap: Part Deux and a Heif


The picture is a little outdated...but I thought it was funny and appropriate to the story :)

Ok, so I believe I left off with The Twelve Year old...so let's commence.

This past Friday evening a big ole group of us go to Town to dance the evening away. Straight Lady and I, along with a few of our friends, go to JR's first for drinks. I have 5...don't judge, it had been a long week! So I'm feeling pretty toasty upon arrival at the club and proceed to have a great time. Amongst the company was Tortilla Strip, J-Crew (I have a good story about that one later), High School Musical (which moving forward has been renamed Sharpay), Legs McGee, and an assortment of other friends. I was having a lot of fun and not really on the prowl for any action that evening...but you know what they say...when you aren't looking forward is when everything tends to happen.

Anyway...I'm dancing and there's this little guy hanging around our crowd...slightly socially awkward and clingy. I come to find out he's Legs' friend and just trying to have a good time. I think he's a little dorky but I go with it and by the end of the night we're dancing together and making out. Ting! I'm taking him home. I'm drunk and decided it was perfectly fine to get a little somethin somethin out of this.

At this point in the evening I have lost everyone to the four corners of the club and start to leave...its 2:30 and I'm ready to get the plan started, if you know what I mean. So I leave with The Twelve Year old and go back to his place. I drive. First off, he doesn't know how to get back to his apartment from Town. Red flag number one. How do you not know? I finally make it to an area he recognizes in one smooth shot and I park. We go upstairs and start talking and I find out two things that immediately turn me off: he's 22 and a republican. Red flags number 2 and 3. Then the icing on the cake...he voted for McCain. Red flags number 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9....I should have left but I was tired and was still hopeful for something good to come out of the situation.

[The rest of this story is going to be told as if one were going to a restaurant on a date. Keep in mind that finishing the entree and having desert is a metaphor for getting it on in the best way possible.]
Ok so I think we're going for the full course meal and proceed to have drinks (making out). Then we stop and I was asked if I was disappointed...meaning I wasn't getting any. Fine...I'm ok with just drinks...I'm tired, its late...he's republican, its time for bed. BUT I was then accosted with more drinks about five minutes later and I think, Ok appetizers are being served and logically following, dinner and dessert. We get to dinner where he orders just for himself and eats while I watch and then came dessert which he also ordered and finished himself. I was left with watching the whole thing unfold and was stuck with the bill at the end and no dessert. In english...we got naked, he finished himself, and I got nothing but blue balls and a headache. Waste. Of. Time. Goodbye!!!

I should have known that a gay 22 year old republican wasn't going to be great, but to my defense I didn't know this information prior to entering his place of residence. I mean, he's a really nice kid...great kisser and not terribly unattractive. (I wouldn't have gone home with him unless I thought otherwise). But see here's the thing...Sunday rolls around and I guess he's drinking and playing games with his friends at his place and proceeds to text me like 8 thousand times to come over and hang out. Meanwhile I'm running around working because I went to see a play with my friends where I work and ended up walking into..well...work. So I was at Harris Teets getting a cheese platter and ignoring all these texts from Twelve Year old. Helllooooo...I'm working, we met two days ago, and you left me hanging...oh and did I mention you voted for McCain!!? Slow. Your. Roll. And give me your gay card...its been revoked in the name of all that is rainbow's and yellow equality signs. You can have it back when you've earned your high heels in this area! I swear to Ganymede...all I needed was for him to tell me he shops at Kohl's for me to throw my bronzer compact at his face and run screaming out the door!

Lesson to be learned here...stay away from people who look like they're 12 and make sure they aren't republican beforehand. Doesn't make for a fun evening and you're just going to have to excuse yourself and do things yourself. Needless to say we will not be going out on a date...friends I'm ok with.

And just to wrap up everyone else's evening post-Town. J-Crew ended up getting so drunk that he passed out on the couch downstairs next to the dance floor, vomed all over the club when he was woken up, and then spent the night in the back seat of his own car in his own parking garage for a good portion of the evening until Tort Strip forced him inside. Another friend of mine whom I'll call Schaff also threw up in the bathroom at Town...hot mess both of them. Straight Lady was angry at me because she thought I was leaving her and had to repay the cover to get back in the club and overdrafted her account. Other than that everyone else seemed to have a good time :) We'll definitely have to do it again!
Peace, Love, and Transexuals!

Jack

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