Sunday, April 26, 2009

All's well that ends crazy trannyville!

Guten Evening this fine Sunday!

I'm relaxing with a crappy movie and a corona at Starfish's house and thought..."What a great time to catch up on my blogging!" Its been a great day of sleeping in, food, and laying out in the sun :)

Things have been insane at work planning for this event that happened last Tuesday. Welcome to Washington. It should have been called Welcome to the All-Consuming Project Resulting in Coming in on the Weekends and Working Late Evening for Two Weeks Straight. Complaining? Not. At. All! It was probably the coolest night of my life and one of my finer achievements in the professional world. Along with my co-workers we ended up pulling of an amazing evening complete with performing arts organizations, congress and the White House, and Mrs. Obama herself!! It was awesome! Although no one was allowed to talk to her except Michael which was totally lame and the hoops we had to jump through with her Secret Service security detail was a nightmare but all of it was complete worth it to have her there and me sit two rows behind her! Miss Procras was my arm candy for the night and I introduced her to a lot of different people as well as the open bar post-show! Despite Michelle gracing us with her presence I'd have to say the highlight of the evening had to be my very own sugar daddy. Let me explain.

So Michael has an older friend who is an interior designer...he also likes young attracctive boys. And not to be conceited (except for the fact that I am) I fall in to that category. Well as the reception was crowded I didn't notice the multitude of people bumping in to me so when Michael's friend casual brushes up against my leg...I don't feel a thing. It wasn't until he asked me what kind of underwear I was wearing that I realized it was him brushing up against me. Oh. My. God. Bye! I politely answered that they were boxer briefs and then quickly headed to the bar for a refill of bourbon.

Relationship Update:

So this past friday was Straight Lady's birthday. We went to Front Page...did the straight thing. For the most part it was a good night. Aside from a few hang ups it was a fun evening complete with the fact that Straight Lady couldn't walk 2 blocks past DuPont circle before needing me to get the car and come to her. It was fantastic! But, Buddy...the guy I've been dating for the past month was supposed to meet us out. Well he didn't...didn't call...didn't communicate anything other than he was taking a quick nap before meeting us out. So its a little frustrating when all of my friends are like "Where's Buddy?" and I have to say..."I have no idea." Now I'd let it go but its not the first time this has happened. So I express my annoyance the next day but, being the bigger person I let it go and asked him if he'd like to hang out the next day and to let me know....

Um so fast forward 5 days later and I get an email. It said the following:

Subject: So

Do you want your Rent DVD back?

Excuse me? That is all you have to say after not speaking to me for five days. Done. Good bye. Get out of here! I was so annoyed because even though I had already let go of the fact that a viable relationship was going to come from Buddy...we still hadn't had that conversation. I mean he was a nice guy and I enjoyed my time with him but I need someone a little more speedy. Relaxing is great and it was nice to have the down time but sleeping through plans you make with me twice is not ok. Set an alarm...its what they're made for!

That's ok...I got some action this past Friday. Whom? I can not disclose to the masses due to the sensitivity of the information. If you want to know I'll tell you if its appropriate :) Just ask! It was a pretty great evening and the sex was pretty good too. Not great, but then again we were both pretty intoxicated and it hindered a few things...but over all much needed. And he kisses well too so that was a plus. We know that's a big dealbreaker for me.

Anyway...Tomorrow begins another work week. Hopefully it'll be relaxing. I don't have much going on other than rehearsal for an upcoming show I'm in. I play a gay chorus dancer with aids...its a comedy. Not that aids is a laughing matter...there are plenty of aids babies in Africa who are suffering...I'm just glad I'm not one of them. Hurray non-life threatening diseases!



Monday, April 13, 2009


So slap me, put me down, call me names (don't really I'm sensitive)! From a lethal combination of work, laziness, and Happy Hour involving $5 cosmos (hot mess)...I haven't kept up with blogging. Don't judge me! Well actually, I have no room to speak about judging other people...lord knows I'm judging you right now. Probably because you're wearing disgusting ballet flats or something stuck in your teeth!

Anyway, I've missed you all and I'm sure you've missed me ;) The title of today's blog is more than appropriate for a variety of reasons...particularly because it seems that most people in my life right now are dealing with boy issues, in one form or another, including myself. Then again when is a lady not having boy troubles? Its so hard being pretty sometimes!

Ok, let's begin. I'll take on a case by case basis:

Straight Lady
Facts of the Case: Prior to moving down here Straight Lady's long term boyfriend, Flavored Douche, cheated on her with his Ex-Fiance...yeah I know, take a minute. Long story, short...she takes him back, things are off, she moves down to DC and they break up. Time goes by, he still loves her; she still loves him.
Recent Developments: Straight Lady finally caves in to my advice of trying to work things out long distance. Nothing annoyed me more than the fact that you have two people who want to be together but refuse to for one Tranny reason or another....BYE! Thank you for finally getting some sense in that brain of yours. Love you!

Miss Procras
Facts of the Case: Miss Procras and Arnold Shwarzenshortie have been dating for quite some time now. For the first time, I actually think that she's in love. Not to discredit her (love you bitch!) but I've never seen her act like this before.
Recent Developments: Miss Procras and Arnold broke up. For reasons I will not divulge due to information that is so sensitive you'd swear you were having a yeast infection ;) OMG calm down, I'm kidding. Right now they're in negotiations...he said, she said nonsense. But I'm confident that it'll all turn out for the best. He'll either realize he's being a 6 year old and she'll figure her shit out and they have 10,000 babies together OR they break it off for good and find other creatures in the sea!

Just Jack
Facts of the Case: Things are going well with Buddy. I like him a lot but I'm still trying to figure out if our speeds are going to match in the long run. My friends seem to like him a lot; which is a first for the previous people I've dated.
Recent Developments: There are none because its happening now! Will continue the dating thing and will let folks know if I qualify Buddy as boyfriend material. Fingers crossed?!

Such complications dating presents when you're past all the butterflies and cloud 9 BS of the first 2 weeks of being together. That time is simple...its the getting to know you, kissing for the first time, dinners, drinks, and so on and so forth. Everything after that is questions and doubts and what ifs and what does that means and actual work to make it last. That's the part no one tells you about. That's the part that if you screw up you can't take back. My advice? Psh...I have none. I guess one just has to figure out their own pace. Most of the time its wrong and you end up heartbroken or angry or both. I guess when you finally get it right is when you know you've found a keeper. Just a few general rules/guidelines know to weed out the useless ones before you waste even the first two weeks.

1. Have they or are they open to shopping at the following stores: Ross, Kohl's, or Marshalls?
2. Do they kiss well?
3. Do they get along with your friends?
4. Do they pay for things?
5. Is there dress both appropriate and attractive?

If the answer is no to any of the above...C-ya. Ciao. Have a nice day. Kohl's is having a sale on Candies shoes and you're missing one last pair to make it an even 20, BYE! Once you've moved on from those 5 you can really open yourself up to the possibility that maybe this one won't be a huge a*hole. I mean, if anything, a good lay? Whatever works for you!

Other than boy topics I've been cast in a show: Jeffrey. Its a play that they made into a movie in the late 90's. Rent it. Love it. So good. For those that don't know yet I play Darius, a young dancer from Cats. Yes, I get to wear the leotard!

Ok well I'm done for to finish up work and put my tuxedo on for the Helen Hayes awards and to be some old man's arm candy for the evening. Network, network, network!

Mwah! Love you! Kisses!