Monday, April 13, 2009


So slap me, put me down, call me names (don't really I'm sensitive)! From a lethal combination of work, laziness, and Happy Hour involving $5 cosmos (hot mess)...I haven't kept up with blogging. Don't judge me! Well actually, I have no room to speak about judging other people...lord knows I'm judging you right now. Probably because you're wearing disgusting ballet flats or something stuck in your teeth!

Anyway, I've missed you all and I'm sure you've missed me ;) The title of today's blog is more than appropriate for a variety of reasons...particularly because it seems that most people in my life right now are dealing with boy issues, in one form or another, including myself. Then again when is a lady not having boy troubles? Its so hard being pretty sometimes!

Ok, let's begin. I'll take on a case by case basis:

Straight Lady
Facts of the Case: Prior to moving down here Straight Lady's long term boyfriend, Flavored Douche, cheated on her with his Ex-Fiance...yeah I know, take a minute. Long story, short...she takes him back, things are off, she moves down to DC and they break up. Time goes by, he still loves her; she still loves him.
Recent Developments: Straight Lady finally caves in to my advice of trying to work things out long distance. Nothing annoyed me more than the fact that you have two people who want to be together but refuse to for one Tranny reason or another....BYE! Thank you for finally getting some sense in that brain of yours. Love you!

Miss Procras
Facts of the Case: Miss Procras and Arnold Shwarzenshortie have been dating for quite some time now. For the first time, I actually think that she's in love. Not to discredit her (love you bitch!) but I've never seen her act like this before.
Recent Developments: Miss Procras and Arnold broke up. For reasons I will not divulge due to information that is so sensitive you'd swear you were having a yeast infection ;) OMG calm down, I'm kidding. Right now they're in negotiations...he said, she said nonsense. But I'm confident that it'll all turn out for the best. He'll either realize he's being a 6 year old and she'll figure her shit out and they have 10,000 babies together OR they break it off for good and find other creatures in the sea!

Just Jack
Facts of the Case: Things are going well with Buddy. I like him a lot but I'm still trying to figure out if our speeds are going to match in the long run. My friends seem to like him a lot; which is a first for the previous people I've dated.
Recent Developments: There are none because its happening now! Will continue the dating thing and will let folks know if I qualify Buddy as boyfriend material. Fingers crossed?!

Such complications dating presents when you're past all the butterflies and cloud 9 BS of the first 2 weeks of being together. That time is simple...its the getting to know you, kissing for the first time, dinners, drinks, and so on and so forth. Everything after that is questions and doubts and what ifs and what does that means and actual work to make it last. That's the part no one tells you about. That's the part that if you screw up you can't take back. My advice? Psh...I have none. I guess one just has to figure out their own pace. Most of the time its wrong and you end up heartbroken or angry or both. I guess when you finally get it right is when you know you've found a keeper. Just a few general rules/guidelines know to weed out the useless ones before you waste even the first two weeks.

1. Have they or are they open to shopping at the following stores: Ross, Kohl's, or Marshalls?
2. Do they kiss well?
3. Do they get along with your friends?
4. Do they pay for things?
5. Is there dress both appropriate and attractive?

If the answer is no to any of the above...C-ya. Ciao. Have a nice day. Kohl's is having a sale on Candies shoes and you're missing one last pair to make it an even 20, BYE! Once you've moved on from those 5 you can really open yourself up to the possibility that maybe this one won't be a huge a*hole. I mean, if anything, a good lay? Whatever works for you!

Other than boy topics I've been cast in a show: Jeffrey. Its a play that they made into a movie in the late 90's. Rent it. Love it. So good. For those that don't know yet I play Darius, a young dancer from Cats. Yes, I get to wear the leotard!

Ok well I'm done for to finish up work and put my tuxedo on for the Helen Hayes awards and to be some old man's arm candy for the evening. Network, network, network!

Mwah! Love you! Kisses!



Ronaldy said...

being an arm candy = good networking skill.

Anonymous said...

Ross all day!!!

the nicknames you give people are way better than my "JMU Mike" and "Ant" (no one could ever guess that's my roommate anthony...haha)