My life, to date, has been quite a ride of ups and downs. I'd like to think of myself as a pessimistic optimist because I think that a lot of what has been handed to me has been shitty but continue to remain hopeful that brighter things will occur. I mean my father died a few months before my birth and I was a 9lb 8oz baby...life was complicated from the beginning. A fatherless, porker of a child raised by an overbearing, totally effiminate Portuguese mother. I was destined to be a homo from the get go!
Anyway, let's fast forward a bit to this time last year. I was in the middle of the ugliest breakup I have experienced and have not had one that parallels it since. It was with The Ex. (See previous posts for further clarification.) I was also in the middle of learning a new position at Fish and Wildlife Services because the company I was working for was about to fire me internally for tranny shit that was their fault to begin with. I. Was. Miserable. I mean I was in love with The Ex...maybe it was because he was my "first love" or I actually did have deep seated feelings for him but I was a hot mess. Getting drunk and calling him and making a fool of myself. And all for what? For someone's attention that didn't want to return it to begin with. Lame!
I spent a good part of the rest of the year being eternally depressed about things. I had lost the one person I thought I was going to be with for a very long time and I was working in an ultra-conservative department of the Governement in an office full of 50 somethings eating lunch alone everyday. Its always hard to accept change, but accepting it because its forced upon you and not something you can predict or forsee is the hardest. How was I supposed to know that The Ex didn't love me...I mean people take advantage of the fact that when someone tells you they love you, they actually mean it. I'd be damn sure before throwing yourself into that situation. If you ever happen to find out they don't and were just telling you because its what you wanted to hear you may end up wanting to throw yourself off a cliff.
Eventually crying myself to sleep at night faded to a few nights a week and I slowly started to get my sea legs again, only to have them torn from under me when I was fired from Fish and Wildlife. Big surprise? NOT! I mean here I am this quirky homosexual working with a bunch of Republicans. Even I should have known that shit wasn't going last long. The crappy thing is, I was going on vacation that weekend and ended up training my replacement which, at the time, I thought was the temp replacing me for the two days I'd be gone. I knew I was getting fired that morning because the "temp" accidentally dropped she was getting her employee benefit orientation that afternoon for working here in the office. HELLO...I used to work internally for this company...I know the contract I was working and how many people were on it....ONE...ME. Good-bye! It took every restraint in my body not to ream everyone in that office for wearing discounted clothing from Marshall's and destroying all the SOP's I had written for the temp. Instead I left like a lady and cried when I got on the metro.
From there I ended up working for On the Border full time where I used to be just part-time. Let me tell you, smelling like a G.D. chimichanga on a daily basis was the highlight of my professional career. That lasted for like 3 months and then I got a job working in the box office for Shakespeare Theatre Company. Meanwhile my home situation was getting worse and worse. First my current roommate because a total bitch. I mean not that she wasn't to begin with, she just turned it on me eventually. That's ok though, her boyfriend is a cheater and deserves better than her anyway and I slept with their straight friend on the living room floor one evening. Newsflash...not straight. Whoops. I mean you know that saying "I just can't quite put my finger on it."? Well, I put my finger on it :)
Anyway, I moved out and moved in with Straight Lady. Well that didn't go over so well with the other roommate, who's name I'll dedicate Tranny Bitch to. He wanted to charge me like $400 a month to live in the same room as Straight Lady. Whore please! So I moved out once again and ended up at some dear friends of mine who I'm lucky still let me stay at their place. Not that I'm really there anyway. I think I can count the number of times I've slept in the townhouse on one hand, in the past month. Not to say that I don't like it there, but its very far from work and everything else I do that I end up staying at friends' places a lot of the times. At least I'm not burdening them on electricity and heat...I'm never there to use it!
That pretty much brings me to the very first time I blogged as Just Jack which vaults you right up to this posting. The whole reason for this post is because its been exactly a year since I broke up with The Ex and I think I've come full circle. I started dating on a regular basis again. Same old heartbreak and wastes of time. Buddy (see previous two postings) was a huge waste of life, but that's ok...as always, its a learning experience. I moved on to someone else who's still not the most appropriate but is a good person and I will continue to explore that opportunity, even though he may not be here in 3 months. In the meantime I still pine over someone that I can't have but know they feel the same way about me which makes the situation even harder to stomache but one can't sit around and wait for something to happen or someone to change their mind. Instead I will continue to move forward and see what happens in life. I can't sit and dwell on things that could be, would be, wanna be, blah blah blah. Living life in the moment seems the best remedy for an over-active brain.
Take my advice, I know what I'm talking about...at least most of the time ;) Life is a growth experience and everyday is an opportunity to learn something new. And, I know I've said this a million times and I'll say it a million times more, don't discount shop. It makes you look cheap and nobody will like you. Sad :(