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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

How Do I Love Thee-Let Me Count the Ways

So at long last...here is Miss Procras's guest blog. I hope you all enjoy...I know I sure did :)

I am beyond honored that Just Jack asked me to guest post on his blog. A) It’s my first-ever guest post and B) I’m lucky enough that Just Jack considers me a friend – he just did MAJOR cutting from his Facebook friends list and after 3 rounds, I haven’t been voted off the island. So I must be doing something right if he’ll allow me to post on the awesomeness that is his blog.

I’ve been privileged to call Just Jack a friend for five years now. After graduating college and moving to the same city, I think we’ve become even closer. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Witness a cell phone conversation I had with my dad recently:

Me: Daddy, I’m really homesick. I don’t feel like I have many close girlfriends in D.C. anymore. Most of them are in Richmond.

Dad: You have Just Jack, don’t you?

Dads are so smart.

Just Jack is always there as a drinking buddy, fashion consultant, love doctor and chick flick enthusiast.

And so, ladies and gents, I bring you: Reasons to Love Just Jack (We all know how much he loves himself already, but I assure you, it is well warranted.)

1) He keeps you motivated while drinking. This is particularly helpful during happy hours or pregames when you’re under a time crunch to get wasted and save money. His go-to pep talk: “Less talking, more drinking."

2) He’s brutally honest, so you know if you’re about to purchase something heinous, he’ll let you know. Ideal shopping partner. (True story: I was about to buy these gold wedges from Steve Madden and I wanted Just Jack’s approval. He came into the store, anxious to get to where we needed to be-probably out drinking-and was annoyed I was holding up the group per usual. He looked at them and said, “Yeah, they’re fine” in a disinterested, straight-male tone. I was convinced he didn’t like them, but that was before I knew him well enough to know he would have said something along the lines, “Honey, those look like something a tranny hooker would wear” if he didn’t think I should buy them.)

3) Whenever you ride in his car, it’s a guaranteed jam fest to such greatness at Britney Spears, Lady Gaga and Broadway numbers.

4) He was a psychology major, so he can read people really, really well. And yes, he is judging you.

5) He has lived at the beach a majority of his life, and his parents bought a vacation home a couple of miles from the ocean; however, he hates sand so he avoids the beach at all costs. This paradox cracks me up for some reason.

6) He’s an excellent spooner.

7) When you’re around him, you’ll laugh until your sides hurt. Especially if you’re in a location with lots of people (ie-shopping malls, subways, restaurants). You see, Just Jack loves to people watch. So, like an eagle, he zeros in on his target, swoops down and annihilates them with witty remarks. (Not to their face, usually.)

8) If you hang out with him enough, you’ll get to know what he’s thinking by his facial expressions. Those are even funnier than his putdowns, I think.

9) He’s stellar at picking out acceptable men and dispensing relationship advice. See point #4.

10) He’ll expose you to the greatness that is the D.C. gay social scene. Show tunes Mondays, all-Britney dance parties, drag queens racing in high heels and the cheapest, strongest drinks you’ll ever consume.

Hope this provides a little more insight into the legendary Just Jack. Love you mucho, boo!

1 comment:

Single Gal DC said...

Well Ray,

Now that I know you are constantly judging and have such great insight I'm dying to know what advice you have for me. ;)