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Sunday, October 18, 2009

Attention: Emergency Bulletin

I appreciate Straight Lady and would die without her. Even though she owns pink crocs, I will compromise for the sanctity of our friendship and our unborn child so named Skimpleshanks.

JJ

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Update: My Life and Things Not Appropriate To Buy From Target


For real, I've been terrible about keeping up with the blog lately. No excuses. I'm just lazy and I haven't really had that many terribly exciting things to discuss and share. Which could be a good thing. Maybe you all are taking my advice and thinking twice before leaving the house in what you think is a good outfit which, in essence, means the blog is working ;)


Anywho, in my last posting I stated that my celibacy streak was over. Now don't get too excited it barely even counts. I totally only made it to second base but, I still counts none-the-less...and therefore I must divulge.


A couple Friday's ago I was left to my own devices and met a couple of friends out for drinks without the watchful eye of Straight Lady. Sometimes its good to leave the ball and chain and her CROCS at home, it usually leads to bad decision making and, in conclusion, a good story the next morning. Ok so I'm at JR's (the usually watering hole) and I have maybe one too many cocktails. This gentleman we'll call Mr. Nice Guy caught my attention early on in the evening and complimented me on my outfit which included a certain purple argyle sweatervest. (I need to get a new one as I'm sure my friends are tired of seeing that one because its the only one I own and a quick fix to me not knowing what to wear that evening). It happened again later in the evening and at this point I was like alright maybe I'll get something out of this... its been 4 months.


There's a lot of flirting back and forth and a lot of awkward moments between me and the boy Mr. Nice Guy was paying attention to before I walked in to the picture. What can I say, I'm pretty to look at. Eventually he leaves and kind of in an annoyed way. So, knowing how to play the game I texted him and, not to my surprise, got an invite back to his place. Now, I'd like to step in and make a disclaimer here: I was not doing anything for the sole intention of having a random encounter. We had previously discussed dinner plans the following week which I agreed to; it just so happens I wanted dessert now. I'm not patient sometimes.


Let's fast forward to the next morning. I wake up and the flood of memories of what just happened to my life in the last 12 hours come rushing back in. Mr. Nice guy and I went to bed, got naked, and then nothing happened. He liked me so much that he didn't want to fool around. FML dude, I could have kept my underwear on...tiny as they were, they couldn've stayed there. THEN I remember that he has friends coming over shortly to meet him so they can all go on the Cancer/AIDS/Sickle Cell/Polio/Tranny/I Love Life Walk?? and I'm like...Time. To. Go....Now! I begin to gather my things and proceed to put on my shoes when the phone rings; "Yeah give me a second, I'll be right there." Seriously fucked here as the apartment is a small studio with one entrance and yes, I had to walk past his two friends who had no idea I was there on my walk of shame through the gayberhood on my way to my car.


It was definitely an experience I don't care to ever relive. Not only did I need to go home and finish a few things that got started but never finished, but I did the walk of shame for nothing. We tried to plan dinner for the week, but I was sick, he was busy, plans kept changing, blah blah blah...vom. Eventually we met at JR's the following Saturday where there were literally a dozen people I was conversing with. I'm not sure if he was drunk or just that clingy but he left after a while and I got a text message that said "Guess you lost interest. So I went home."


Wow. Who died and made you Queen of Genovia because I did not vote for you! Well I'm sorry he felt that way but, seeing as how he really didn't know anything about me, my dating history or without me running a background check to make sure his work attire didn't come from Target layaway; that reaction was not warrented. Sure he's a super nice guy and probably just as lonely as I am in my search to find one true love, or at this point a good lay BUT slow your roll. I'm the clingy one, I can't be babysitting anyone but myself bitches. Mmmmkay?


On a completely different tangent. I marched in the Equality March this past Sunday. Awesome! Heard a couple choice speakers give their two cents to the cause and got a beautiful glow that will save me from having to apply extra self-tanner for the next two weeks. Sweet dude! Seriously. Bronzer compacts can be expeeeeensive!


Upcoming events: High Heel Race. I'm not participating but eagerly watching from inside the warm bar with a cocktail. And Halloween. I need cute costume ideas. Right now the front runner is Risky Business. A Christmas Carol. Not sure I'm in it but I'm costuming the mother. That's all. BYE!


Love you mean it! (most of the time)!


JJ