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Sunday, November 29, 2009

Rude! You Can Have a Diet Fresca!


Oh Boy! Its been, per usual, lots of weeks since my last posting. I'm not going to apologize because:

1. I don't have time to blog on a regular basis...if you're one of those people who do then you
a. Have way to much time on your hands or;
b. Feel that self entitled to share every moment of your, probably uninteresting, life with the blogoshphere.
2. I don't apologize to anyone unless its court ordered.

I don't really have a particular topic for this posting other than to share a few thoughts and experiences I've had over the past month. Lots has been going on with work, also per ususal. We just opened a huge version of As You Like It. Let's all cross our fingers that it does well financially. If not, then I'm placing bets you're going to find my body on the news because the costume and props shops took the company hostage and systematically killed everyone with sewing needles and hot glue guns, starting with the Senior Staff of course, because its the biggest show Shakespeare Theatre has ever taken on. Failing is NOT an option people so come see the show, bring all your friends, and spend lots of money in the gift shop during intermission. This girl has bills to pay and needs your money to pay my salary so I can get my monthly supply of spaghetti o's. Real. Situation.

Personal life. I'm not sure where to begin...the random hook up or the potential new guy. I'm not sure that I want to go in to either. Random hook ups can be satisfying but its not really who I am. However desperate times dictate that its a necessary part of a normal homo's life. Ask any gay man. If they tell you that they don't every go home with anyone they're probably telling you the truth because they subscribe to Manhunt, Grinder, or default Fact. Of. Life. Potential new guy...blah. It was going great at first but then defaulted to email tag and tentative plans to get together that didn't pan out. Its fine though. Can't force things to work out. Besides its holiday time. Plenty of opportunities to meet a handsome gent at a holiday party complete with bad sweater choices and terribly made baked goods. Thank goodness you can't screw up vodka. However, we all know what happened last holiday season...I met Rescue Me Joe. Needless to say I'll take better care to avoid that situation again.

In following suit with my lack of money (because I work for a non-profit and have the salary of a first year secretary who's still learning how to use the copier on the 4th floor while casually swapping dating advice in the break room whilst eating my lean cuisine) please refer to last year's Christmas Post. I've decided to stay away from the pine cone motif...it was so two Christmas's ago. This year I might upgrade to hallmark holiday cards that express how much all of you mean to me during this holiday time. I love handwriting notes...mostly because I like my own handwriting that much...but it'll be a nice gesture and way less work than arts and crafting my way through Christmas!

Thanksgiving has come and gone and I hope you all enjoyed growing extra buttcheeks with the amount of food that's traditionally consumed on this holiday celebrating our gratefulness of the Native American race being wiped out to make room for our Starbucks :) My mother was acting like a tranny as always...even more so because we had the in-laws over and my aunt and uncle over. Stress level...through the roof. I wanted to feed her a colonopin and a glass of wine and sit her on the couch but, I was too busy consuming all the red wine and bourbon I could get my hands on and holed myself upstairs playing Mario Kart on Wii with my brother and sister. Straight Lady came too because she didn't get to go home for Turkey Day. It wasn't quite the hot mess of Spanks Living 2K8: please refer to the Rainbow Plant post last November. I would link it but its not working and I'm moving on.

All in all life is what it is at the moment. Still trying to financially right myself in this economy. I've tried embracing a lot of the Recessionista lifestyle as possible...particularly by bitchslapping the Walmart with my credit card when I visit my parents. Nothing says Recessionista like 88 cent cans of spaghetti o's and all the $2 bags of doritos one can get your hands on!

Please be wary of your wardrobe choices this Holiday season. Chances are if Forever 21 thinks its in style...might be a good idea to stay away from it. And I will not waste my time harping on appropriate footwear. You should know my opinions on that subject like the back of your hand! And it should always be understood but I'll say it again: Kohl's, Tranny Max, and Marshall's = mexicans and bad bargains. Stay away! Hit up Macy's; they are always having a sale!

Much love!!

JJ

P.S. Here's to New Year's! I'll go ahead and clarify that I'll be hitting up the usual gay places on 17th in DC. No lines, no covers, easy bar access. I will not be going anywhere near places that want to charge me $120 for an open bar and cold appetizers catered by Safeway with thousands of straight people that don't know better than to get shitfaced and throw up their champagne on their newly purchased dress that probably came from Target. You're more than welcome to join me :) Won't be quite the same as, say NYC, but you couldn't pay me enough money to be there on New Year's anyway!


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