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Friday, June 25, 2010

God Opened the Window so You can Jump Out of It...

Shalom Everyone,

I am now officially counting down the hours until Straight Lady is officially on her way to Lawn Guyland for the next three years. Its funny. She's going for an amazing reason (to get her PhD to help kids that were hit by cars and stuff walk again)...but everyone seems to be more worried about me. Here's how most interactions go:

Straight Lady: I'm moving to NYC to go to Columbia

Co-worker, Friend, Random Ugly Flat Wearing Hoe on the Street: That's AWESOME. (in a whisper) How's JJ?

I mean people that I've never met are asking about my well being. Like I'm going to be some kind of suicide case after she leaves. Well let me set the record straight...You are correct! I will be taking sign-ups for JJ Throws Himself Out the Balcony Window Watch 2k10. I'm fairly certain one of two things are going to happen. 1. I'll lay in bed until my legs atrophy (sp?) OR 2. I'll surround myself with constant attention for the next three years that I won't even know Straight Lady moved. If its the former be sure to stop by and dust me off so I don't become plebian looking and if its the latter be sure and think of ways to keep my mind constantly occupied All The Time! :)

Thank goodness for Starfish to help keep me sane and be my local bestie while Straight Lady learns how to save deaf babies with bad wrists.

The moving man comes tommorrow and by man I mean Straight Lady's mom. What? She's going to help with the heavy lifting. Lord knows I don't do "manual" labor. Ha! Kidding. We're all chipping in to help get them on the road as soon as possible after sharing a love embrace that might shatter the very fabric of space/time.

I miss you already kiddo. Go do great things.


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

No Thank You

I know you are all on the edge of your seats wondering when I was going to return to posting useless shit about my social life and commenting on the terrible fashion of others and my extreme hatred of places swarming with Mexican children like Kohl's and Marshalls. Well I've returned.

You're welcome :)

I decided to brush the dust off this beast and start writing again. It seemed fairly therapeutic and its been a long time since I've had to work things out so what better time to pick up the habit of commenting on your disgusting use of ballet flats and my inability hold down a boyfriend?! There isn't one that I can think of or care to for more than five minutes so here we go. I hope you're ready. Even though I'm not sure that I am...which is to say that I am actually ready but not sure if I'm going to keep it up longer than twice in three months. Its just a real situation you, as my readers, have to face. What I say now my very well be a "roll over and introduce yourself" moment tomorrow; forgettable. But we'll see.

Since we last discussed I was blissfully dating. Vom. Who does that? Blissfully date? I don't get it. It was a good go and there were some pretty fantastic times that I will and do miss but things didn't work out. Probably for the best. Its all still pretty fresh so I don't want to discuss it much further other than I did break my 30 day streak and lasted close to four months.

I always learn something coming out of these little chapters that make up my life story: This time it was that I have no business dating. I'm high maintenance and way more personality than Patty Simcox on Redbull. Seriously. But at least I recognize it and have decided that I've got a lot to work not being homeless in a month...before I will allow myself to be up for bids on who thinks they can tackle my crazy this month. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my freedom and focus on self-discovery bullshit like reading self help books, studying for my GRE's, and learning how to be a better person...

Ok. Ok. I'm saying it and I'm not even buying it. Shit. Let's be real: I'm going to dick around, read trashy gay novels, and the only self discovery I'm going to come to is what flavor of Burnetts vodka is my favorite. So far its Peach.

I now have less than two weeks until Straight Lady goes back to NYC for the next 3 years and am attempting to mentally prepare myself for her departure and a serious drop in my social life. Although without the ole ball and chain I tend to make bad decisions but fuck it! I'll wrap it in to my self discovery MO and deal with it when I'm in therapy in 10 years along with my other ongoing issues tying mostly about my mother and her smothering yet unloving personality. Kidding. Well only a little.

Well I think that's a fresh start and enough for now. Can't write about things too much then I really won't have anything to say for another posting.